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Malleus In Culture

The Feminist War on Penises

Author Jessica Valenti referenced the Malleus Maleficarum in her article on The Nation’s web site last September 24, 2012. The article was titled Feminism’s War on Penises and examined the lunacy of people like Rush Limbaugh, who responded to an Italian study that reports penises are 10 percent smaller than they were fifty years ago by contending that feminism, feminazis and “chickification” are the cause.

She has a point. The Malleus Maleficarum was uniquely obsessed with what Heinrich Kramer and James Sprenger referred to as the “virile member”, and specifically addressed how witches might use their powers to rob men of their penises (or at the very least make it appear that they had done so).

Examples:

Part II, Question II, Chapter IVRemedies prescribed for those who by Prestidigitative Art have lost their Virile Members

Part II, Question I, Chapter VIIHow, as it were, they (witches) Deprive Man of his Virile Member.

Part I, Question IXWhether Witches may work some Prestidigatory Illusion so that the Male Organ appears to be entirely removed and separate from the Body.

Valenti goes on to say in her article;

Back in the day when our sisters-in-arms – witches – were being persecuted, the Malleus Maleficarum (kind of a witch-hunter’s guidebook) warned readers of the ways in which we could hide or steal penises. Sadly, feminists traded this important magical power to sea sirens who – to this day – use cold bodies of water to take their prey via shrinkage.

In more modern times, without our witchy powers to take the penis by force, feminists have been forced to use more secretive methods. There’s no reason to hide it anymore… the soybean is our current weapon of choice. You didn’t actually think the feminist/vegetarian link was a coincidence, did you?! I mean, tofu is disgusting – of course we had an ulterior motive there. One brave man figured us out – “Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality” – but we have the government on our side. So no worries, sisters!

Unfortunately, there are too many men who—despite their penchant for tattooed hipster girls—won’t submit to eating soybean products, so feminists have had to create an additional strategy: we are fucking the hard-ons right off of you. That’s right. You may not know it, but men’s penises actually wilt in the presence of a sexually independent woman.

Valenti warns, “Rush Limbaugh may have let the world know what feminists are actually up to, but his truth-telling will not stop us. Because if our soy/sex plan doesn’t work out, we can always send our underground army of harpies. Don’t make us do it, guys.”

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A Simple Visitor
A Simple Visitor
8 years ago

I actually googled the name Malleus Maleficarum for spelling and happened to see this article and was offended by it as a man who values equality and independence in his relationship with his girlfriend. It worries me there are such narrowminded extremists who see themselves as progressive and open.